AparnA, first of all I say, the level you are touching is commendable. in your note,
You write..."Perhaps a remnant of the moment we were severed from the 'whole' reality.....I try to fill it up with dreams and stars and lovers and gods. And no matter ho......w much I pray, my hymns and chants just echo and comeback to me. And the emptiness forever remains......isthere a purpose behind every calamity and every wish fulfilled??.....But IF I need to know my reality, I'll HAVE to give up to grace. (or to emptiness). Why are we so scared of the word 'empty'?? Why relate it to something dark or sad?? Empty is just empty- Devoid of good or bad.Neither positive nor negative. Neither 'dukkha' nor 'ananda'. Empty is just empty- the sky without a cloud. A wind without a name.....Just lean without cause, without any compulsion to do so. You may stay outside as long as you want."
Before making any statement it is pertinent to have the terms clearly established. A black hole is a space, speaking from physical point of view, is an infinitely infinitesimal space where all the dimensions of space and time, get wrapped up so intensely that even light can not pass through..and gets absorbed... that is why it is called "black" hole... or whole, as we will touch upon later hereunder.
Emptiness, as qualified by Nagarjuna, is the "Shunya" of Buddhism, translated by western thinkers..as void... or Gap... but unfortunately "Shunya" of Sanskrit origin does not imply a Void or emptiness.. though it is an other matter altogether.
When this shunya is married to black hole... and adhering purely to our own , oriental point of view, what you call "space"and "Grace" or "beloved" following dvait and Sufi tradition.
Seeking for that Emptiness/Self/Void/Gap/Space/Beloved, is in fact seeking for That.... where, as said above, in analogy,all the reason, cognition, sense, non-sense, light,darkness,...and all phenomena and their possibilities and impossibilities ... are wrapped together and get merged.. for nothing phenomenal or non-phenomenalto come out again....
Now let me put it the other way round... we are embraced in that space, or embraced by that beloved/Shunya, Self... whatever one wishes to call Him, with phenomenal fragments scattered in bundles (mind) beneath that" space"... so we , the mental,are not to seek the black hole,or the Space/Gap/Self/Shunya... We are already embraced by That all around... what is needed is to perg out scattered phenomenals to be where and what we are..
Space is short, but hope some thread can be picked up...
Scriptures give some hint what lies beyond within... which we call the Gap or Space or Void or Shunya or Self or....00. A few selections are in,
It is really satisfying having you as my friend..and grateful to you for accepting me as your friend. May god Bless you.
Main Note reproduced below:
The empty black hole.
The void you are so terrified to acknowledge.
What am I if not my life story?? My thoughts, dreams, hopes,fears, emotions- My dream weaves of myriad warps and wefts- the patterns, the symbols, the pretty golden moments bordering the reality, the enmeshing of lives- a pleasant dream woven like a wedding sari. But then You point towards the beginning and the end of the fabric... and the endless holes between each weave. The space on which plays the reality. The empty black hole that won't be filled. Its that hole that each of us carry within us. Perhaps a remnant of the moment we were severed from the 'whole' reality. I don't care to define its origin but start from the premise that the void IS there. In each and every one of us. The empty black hole we carry within us.
Too long have I lived, never acknowledging its presence. Or at best, covering it with too many virtues. Or creating dream castles outside of it. A being in love with mist. In love with monsoon clouds. The dancing colors of dawn and dusk, playing rainbow dreams upon the clouds. Or the mystic beauty of winter mist- no past, no future, no fears no hopes, just a pause- a moment in mist.
But how long does monsoon stay?? How long does the mist linger?? Sometime, you have to acknowledge the sky. The sky- the vast,vast, vastest emptiness- so stark in front of you every day, and yet, so forgotten.
The same empty space inside of me.
I try to fill it up with dreams and stars and lovers and gods. And no matter how much I pray, my hymns and chants just echo and comeback to me. And the emptiness forever remains.
The empty sky that won't be filled.
I don't say that it has forever been so. For when we were asleep, there arose beautiful loves in our life. A love that filled our every pore, and filled every empty crevice between those pores- a love that 'full-filled' our every cell. But all too soon it is taken away. INVARIABLY,WITHOUT AN EXCEPTION. I haven't met one living who says he didn't go through this play. A dream no matter, how sublime, invariably comes to an end. So what is it with the Divine?? Some kind of sadistic game he likes to play?? Or isthere a purpose behind every calamity and every wish fulfilled??
The love arose to fill that space you hitherto would notacknowledge. And left too soon for you to confront that void you never cared tolook in the face. They still won't acknowledge- all your well wishers around you. They'll still ask you to 'get real', 'get going'- the custodians of sanity in the world.
But IF I need to know my reality, I'll HAVE to give up to grace. (or to emptiness). Why are we so scared of the word 'empty'?? Why relate it to something dark or sad?? Empty is just empty- Devoid of good or bad.Neither positive nor negative. Neither 'dukkha' nor 'ananda'. Empty is just empty- the sky without a cloud. A wind without a name.
So what does the seeker do?? Confront the reality. Lean into the empty black hole... without any hope or desire for redemption. Without even the martyr's halo. Just lean without cause, without any compulsion to do so. You may stay outside as long as you want.
(Outside too, exist some pretty magical worlds, I promise. All full of gods and goddesses and spirits and angels. You can attract what you want or attain what you desire. All this is there, and more. But that is STILL without. What about the space WITHIN???)
The task is then; to stare into that nothingness- to accept its reality over every other so called reality. The task is then, to give in. Stripped of any term that defined me. To know the void- I have to become the void. Strip yourself of every cause and condition and hope and dream. Take off that halo of virtue; discard the mantle of good causes. And walk on... lean into the black hole, till you fall into it- and let the emptiness absorb you..... to the pointthat 'you' remain no more... till 'I' remains no more.
Beyond this, I don't say from experience, for I have only heard- In the midst of this Void, as if emerging from it, the world once again bursts in with a new face. As though each time you have to lose everything in order to find everything again one step higher.
The same reality, but purged, sanctified, evolved. The void begins to fill. There emerges out of it, or fills into it all the manifold Truths, known or unknown realities, all that is ever real, never was lost. Theysay the void fills up. Or in fact, reveals itself as already full. The gap between me and Thee, is itself the bridge connecting us.
(All this I say from what I've heard) But the task for now is clear. Lean into the well of emptiness..... give up my names of myself, and let His word remain.